A Boy In Uniform

With your short cropped hair and your shirt pressed
With your shoes shining you're remarkably dressed
With your George Cross safely pinned to your chest
Your deep blue eyes put you above the rest
As you hold your weapon down by your side
You keep your feelings well disguised
Soldier on parade attracting all the eyes
In dreams you are the ultimate prize
A predatory killer, prowling on parade
To kill for Queen you are tailor made
Disciplined, fit and strong, never afraid
You're all aglow
Cos as you know
All the girls love a boy in uniform

With your short cropped hair and your t-shirt pressed
Your Docs shining you're remarkably dressed
With George's red cross pinned safely to your chest
Your deep blue eyeshadow puts you above the rest
As you dress with your weapon down your right side
You let all your feelings show, undisguised
Soldier on parade attracting all the eyes
In 'Dreams' you are the ultimate prize
A predatory killer, prowling on parade
A killer queen, you are tailor made
Disciplined, fit and strong, never afraid
You're all aglow
Cos as you know
All the boys love a girl in uniform

Nothing

Nothing so pretty as a nine year old bridesmaid
Nothing so tempting as new fallen snow
Nothing so welcoming as an open fire
Nothing so spectacular as the sunset on the sea
Nothing so precious as a baby's first breath
Nothing so comforting as a mother's arms in crisis
Nothing so warm as the kiss of a lover
Nothing so beautiful as a garden in full bloom
Nothing so loving as a bitch and her litter
Nothing so tranquil as dawn in the mountains
Nothing so perfect as an idyllic summer's evening

Goodnight Lover

And tonight is like the first night
But you'll be leaving all too soon
The taxi is waiting to make things right
And your husband won't have a clue
And me, stood here in the middle
Happy, content, and smiling as ever
Will kiss you good night and resume second fiddle
And carry on living this lie forever

Goodnight my baby
Goodnight my lover

Secrecy and me and you go together hand in hand
Private phone calls come and go
As we waltz together across the land
A love affair as only we know
Holding each other between the sheets
Sunday afternoons in your arms, between your thighs
Knowing you're cumming makes my heart skip beats
Stimulation in the form of your sighs

Goodnight my baby
Goodnight my lover
I'll dream of you tonight

Promise Promise??

They say one swallow
Doesn't make a summer
But I guess it'll put some sunshine
Back into my life

To Be In Love

I can see glitter in the deepest grime
I can see humour in the darkest hour
I can see mercy in the most shocking crime
I can see rainbows in the heaviest shower

I can see love in the heaviest of hearts
I can see light in the darkest shadow
I can see sweetness in the bitterst of tarts
I can see hope in the most desolate sorrow

I can see peace in the bloodiest of wars
I can see calm in the raging seas
I can see compassion in the hardest whores
I can see health in the gripping disease

Is this how it feels to be in love
Is this how it feels to be in love
Is this how it feels to be in love

I think this is how it feels to be in love

Me Myself And I All Three A Fool To Themselves And Each Other excerpt

.....And here is me myself and I
All three a fool
To themselves and each other
All three a fool
To believe my lies
That you feel for me
Like I feel foe you
Yes, once again Graham stands accused and GUILTY
Of being a fool

Stupid me
A fool to myself
Idiotic I.............

Untitled

Using your body
To pay off your debts
Earning a line
By opening your legs
Faked orgasm
Love for the rocks

Dot Perks Cafe Leeds, 6th June 1992

I just sat watching you
As you talked and drank
Your Baileys with ice
Your long fingers
Laden with rings
Though none of them gold
I don't know what
You were discussing
But you were so animated
Your hands prompting
And explaining your words
I didn't even notice
Who you were talking to
I thought my eyes
Must have singed your neck
But you never turned round
Effeminate yet masculine
Your long plaited hair
And a pierced right ear
A thin face but not gaunt
With a chiselled jawline
I couldn't see
The colour of your eyes
But I guessed deep blue
I watched as your fingers
Carressed your glass
They say there's no such thing
As love at first sight
But there sure was lust
You talked and laughed
And you seemed so happy
I was yearning for you
To look round and see me
Looking at you
I would have died
If you had
But I was sad
That you didn't
And when you got up to leave
Your long flowing coat
Beautifully complimenting
Your tweed trousers
And your outrageous silk scarf
You didn't really walk
You kinda floated on air
And when I could no longer see you
I got back to my paper
Finished my coffee
And left

Thinking With A Hard On incomplete

A kiss and a fumble
And a roll in the hay
You were available
She was away
I was thinking with a hard on
Not with a clear mind
Using my intimate friend
For what he was designed
I told you you meant nothing to me
It was only sex
No 'happy ever after' s
No thoughts of what comes next
A night of wild passion
Inhibitions left elsewhere
A night of stars and fireworks
A morning of no cares
I was thinking with a hard on
Not with a clear mind
Using my intimate friend
For what he was designed
Don't wanna find my rabbit
Boiling nicely on the hob
Don't want your late night phone calls
Or a visit at my job..................................

Disillusioned And............

The trash can of life
Is swallowing my pathetic existence
The appeal of the knife
Is slowly wearing away my resistance
Oh time and again
I stand alone in a cast of thousands
Its always the same
Disillusioned and............................

A Late Night Dog Walk Mid December

The waxing moon
Like a perfect neon in a lazy laid back posture
A sprinkling of snow
Like the icing sugar on a local baker's sponge cake
The biting cold
Chapps lips and leaves eyes streaming
The frozen earth
Blurring the boundaries between living and tarmac
A running dog
Breathes smoke like the wildest storybook dragon
The lights of the city
Like an open treasure chest in the sprawling valley

When From Out Of The Darkness

Out came the bubbly
Heard you say the customer
Is always right
And that Heaven's gate
May swing open
Later tonight
And the locksmith's
Picking my lock
I'd love you
To kiss my hand
And set the jellies
The way we planned
And slip away together
When from out of the darkness
I heard the rhino call
My name
And as I kiss your lips
I feel your legs
Caress my hips
You dealt me an ace
And I treated you well
Took you to heaven
And the tap drips into the sink
Guess I love you more
Than ever before
As we both disappear
When from out of the darkness
I heard the rhino call
My name
And all the songs
That made me cry
Come flooding back
To shatter my heart
And the telephone rings
But nobody answers
So it talks to itself
You know I'd gladly die
To make you happy
But I don't think
Adam's hamster
Will be strumming the banjo
Again in a hurry
But still you say you love me
When from out of the darkness
I heard the rhino call
My name

Looks like I'll always be lonely
Always unloveable

Nothing

Nothing so cold as the biting November wind
Nothing so bitter as one jilted at the altar
Nothing so sad as the seaside out of season
Nothing so empty as unrequited love
Nothing so cruel as rain on a summer's morning
Nothing so hurtful as a child's words of anger
Nothing so dark as the tunnel of loneliness
Nothing so desperate as one clinging to fading beauty
Nothing so ugly as a slick on the ocean
Nothing so evil as a queen in the closet
Nothing so aching as a heart unloved

They've All Gone

All my inhibitions
Faked exhibitions
Sleepless nights
Endless fights
Pretentious fads
'The girls I've had' s
All the hangers on
Now they've all gone

Promises incomplete

And all those promises
Of a wondrous tomorrow
Were promises that you never kept..................

Untitled incomplete

A click of the mouse
An unblocking of my emotional cork
Seventeen years since heartbreak
Brought to the fore
Confusion
Headlong into panic
Excitement
So scared of what may become
All the sediment, once settled,
Whipped up by some
Emotional hurricane
The shattering of equilibrium

The hiding
The secrets
The dodging in and out of shadows

I awake with my arms
Around my lover
A halo of sunshine
And love floats above her
Contentment and peace
Oozes from every pore
Our 'surrogate child'
Wags her tail on the floor
In the house that we bought
In the bed where we lay
Waking up with her
The perfect start to the day

The knots in my stomach
A dramatic loss of appetite
Inexpendable energy
An apocolypse of memories
Paranoia
Was this disguised revenge.........................

These Stolen Hours

I can still smell you on my fingers
I can still taste you on my tongue
How can this feel so right
When we both know
That it is oh so wrong

The smell of your scent still lingers
Your voice in my head like a song
How can this feel so right
When we both know
That it is oh so wrong

I can still feel your arms around me
Feel your heart beat in time with mine
How can this be so wrong
When we both know
That it feels oh so right

Your dreams envelope me and surround me
Your memory squatting inside my mind
How can this be so wrong
When we both know
That it feels oh so right

I Know What To Expect

I guess that you're about to vomit
And I know the reason why
Graham's declared his love for you
And looked you in the eye

I know what to expect
Hell I've had enough experience
You won't hurt me
I swear
Just please don't say sorry

I Wish I Was Her incomplete

You're settling down
There's a ring on her hand
Mortgage in the pipeline
Family planned
His and hers matchings
And silly pet names
Hourly phone calls
Always taking the blame
Hand in hand walks
Texts ending with a kiss
A fulfilling sex life
You're a picture of bliss
I'm happy you're happy
But I wish I was her
Oh my God
How I wish I was her

What I wouldn't give
For you to wake beside me
To tell me you love me
To feel you inside me..........................

Excerpt

And I know I could take away
All our pain
If I could go to sleep
And not wake up again



And I know the escape
From this Hell that I'm in
Could be found in a 'script
Of amatryptoline (sp?)



I think tonight
I'm gonna turn out the light
Of my life
And die

Untitled incomplete

And yes it's true
You left a lasting impression
My headlong descent
Into acute depression
Precipitating
My childlike regression
Service payable
At diner's descretion
Shattering all
Of my life's equilibrium
Padding the walls
Of my mind's sanitarium
Lighter in hand
Head to toe in petroleum
Suicidal or manic
With no happy medium
You are the mirror
Reflecting my hopelessness
You are the mirror
Reflecting my uselessness
You are the mirror
Reflecting my lovelessness
You are the mirror
Reflecting my life's a mess............................

Animal Instincts

A pride of lions
Comes before a fall
A school of fish
Learn nothing at all
A flock of sheep
Give praise to the Lord
An army of ants
All die by the sword
A pack of wolves
Is on the cards
A herd of elephants
Is where rumour starts
A gaggle of geese
Cause havoc at last orders
A swarm of bees
Spill over the border

Excerpt

And you
You can be anything you want to be
But me
Me I'm Graham and I can never change.................................

Broken Relationship, Empty House

Once my heaven, now my coffin
Once my everything, now my nothing
Once my joy, now my despair
Once my safety, now my scare
Once my life, now my slow suicide
Once my peace, now my spike in the side
Once my pride, now my embarrassment
Once my minder, now my harrassment
Once my health, now my disease
Once my tranquility, now my unease
Once my reason, now my excuse
Once my comfort, now my abuse
Once my enjoyment, now my bore
Once my pleasure, now my chore
Once my escape route, now my dead end
Once my honesty, now my pretend
Once my rainbow, now my stormy skies
Once my truth, now my lies
Once my vision, now my haze
Once my youth, now my dying days
Once my achievement, now my humiliation
Once my pomp, now my dilapidation

Valentine

And when I hold you
In my skinny arms
I want you to feel
Safe from harm
I want cold winds
To become a warm breeze
I want to calm
Your stormy seas
I want you to hear
A heavenly choir
I want your heart
To burn with desire
I want the sun
To shine down from above
But most of all
I want you to know you are loved

Protecting A Man Who Will Never Change - Why??

On your neck the bruises of love
On your body the bruises of hate
In your heart
The bruises
That will never ever fade

How long will it take you
To learn where the doors are
That you oughtta put the lights on
When it gets dark
That a lover's touch
Is not always
The touch of a lover

With every bruise
There comes a 'sorry'
But how many bruises
Before it loses
It's meaning

Tears of sorrow
Tears of joy
Tears of a crocodile
Disguised as a boy

Friends Reunited?? incomplete

Memories locked away
Torch diminished
(Though never extinguished)
Feelings controlled
A love surpressed
Then BAM!!
The click of a mouse
And the vault split wide open
A tsunami of emotion and longing
Threatens to sweep away
My fragile mental health
And my everyday inert equilibrium.......................................

Four Mile

You and I would make beautiful rainbows
Your wild effervescence
My infinite sorrow
You and I would make a sprawling symphony
Your heavenly choir
My dark cacophony
You and I would make a majestic banquet
You champagne and caviar
Me cheese on a stick
You and I would make a long lost ruined station
Your character romance and aura
My sad dilapidation
You and I would make floral psychedelia
You roses, orchids, lilies
Me gypsephelia

Typical Jesus

Well you know I never believed before
Until one night a strange man knocked at my door
With long straggly hair and an unkempt beard
And holes in his wrists - boy he was weird
He said
My name is Jesus Christ
I’ve heard you don’t believe in me
So I’m here to show you the light

He put his finger against my lips
And used his legs to caress my hips
He let his clothes slip to the floor
Then turned the latch and locked the door
He put his mouth around my manhood
And kissed me so hard that he drew blood
And we proceeded to make love

Morning came but he wasn’t there
Flown with the darkness without a care
He left a note which read ‘You’re sensual’
I thought to myself
That’s just typical

Typical Jesus, typical Jesus
Typical Jesus, typical Jesus

When Business Becomes Pleasure

You ask me
Why the tears?
But no, you didn’t hurt me

I can’t sleep at night
Got you on my mind
I’m in love with you
This wasn’t supposed to happen
Just a you pay, I lay financial arrangement
And a trip back to the railway station
But it’s no longer a job
It’s more of a pleasure
No longer an appointment
It feels more like a date
And yes, the colour of your money sure is nice
But I’d prefer the pleasure of the pain twice
And BOY!!
You sure are a handful
I feel as though I should be paying you
Can’t you see
I’m in love with you
This wasn’t supposed to happen

Maybe you should try another agency
No that’s not what I want
But it’s for the best
Because I’m getting attached to you in a big way

I’m in love with you
I’m in love with you
I’m in love with you
This wasn’t supposed to happen

It Just Rained

She just stood on the beach
And held her baby in her arms
I watched her kick her shoes off
Choking on tears, sweaty palms
She held her crucifix so tight
Kissed it, then dropped it in the sand
Took his crumpled photo from her pocket
Clutched it tightly in her hands
And then she walked towards the waves
Not looking back towards the trees
Her baby clinging around her neck
Water rising above her knees
She kept walking and walking and walking and……….
Into the lake of dreams

Nobody cried when they brought out the bodies
Nobody cared even though she’d explained
I thought you were the land of love and sunshine
But it just rained

I thought you were the land of love and sunshine
But it just rained

I thought you were
The land of love and sunshine
But it just rained

Cover Girl

And you
Sitting naked in your leather armchair
Smoking your cigarette
And singing out of key
A faded star clinging to the dream
Still holding the beauty
That turned all the heads
The persona now the person
The dream now the memoirs
The centrespreads obituaries
The bitchiness secluded
Your long wet hair
Draped across your shoulder
An aroused nipple
Begging to be kissed
The same inches of flesh
As the ones they bought the magazines for
Cover girl, come cover me
Cover girl, come cover me

Your flickering shadow
As you move across the room
Larger than life
Now smaller than a child
A tapestry of a thousand tales
A picture of a thousand scenes
A story of a thousand sets
A legend of a thousand beds
But now the assets
Have slightly sagged
The spark so slightly dulled
But the twinkle
And the zest for life
Have drawn me into you
Cover girl, come cover me
Cover girl, come cover me

I've Fallen In Love

But you’re the first person I can really talk to
Who listens and tries to understand
And sees no shame in holding my hand
And you seem to care what happens to me
Instead of laughing and being hateful
And for that I’m truly grateful
You see, if anyone ever gave a damn about me
Then that’s as much as it would ever be
But you’re different in a nice sort of way
And I think I’m falling in love with you

Yes, you’re the first person I can really talk to
Who listens and tries to understand
And sees no shame in holding my hand
And you seem to care what happens to me
Instead of laughing and being hateful
And for that I’m truly grateful
You see, if anyone ever gave a damn about me
Then that’s as much as it would ever be
But you’re different in a nice sort of way
And I think I’m falling in love with you
I am, I’m falling in love with you
I have, I’ve fallen in love with you

Pieces

I want to tell the world how happy I am
I feel a million dollars - how are you?
Me? I’m fine, as you can see
Do you like that record at number 2?

No actually baby I’m telling a lie
I feel so lonely that I could die
I miss her, miss her, oh so much
It’s been a bout ten weeks now
And I’m falling to pieces
I cry myself to sleep every night
I’m falling to pieces
If you could only see me now
Oh, what a mess
I want so much to die
And escape from all this
I’m just a pale shadow of my former self
And, you know
It’s really embarrassing
And a little sad
When you walk past a mirror
And think
Is that mess me?
No, it can’t be
And your reflection laughs in your face
I mean
I didn’t have much anyway
Even when I made an effort
But now I make no effort at all
And you know
I woke up this morning
Feeling jealous of all those people
In Bangladesh
Who were drowned
Drowned and died
And I
And I was filled
I was filled with so much fear
At how much I want to die
When once so full of life
But I’d hurt too many people
If I took my own life
People who I care for
People who are special
People who I love
And I never want those people to hurt
In the way I’m hurting now
I based my whole world around her
And now she’s gone
My world is so empty
Too big for me alone
And it’s collapsing around my ears
Leaving me naked
Vulnerable
And desolate
Exposed to my worst fears
My life and I
Are falling to pieces
Lots of hopeless pieces

But please don’t worry about me
Because I’m not worth it

Three's A Crowd

It was supposed to be
Like the seal of approval
Like the icing on the cake
But I’m beginning to feel
It was a major mistake
I was there through it all
Held your hand through it all
Mopped your brow through it all
Something to show
For all our love

God she’s so beautiful
She even has your smile
And your eyes
And I love her

I’ve heard it said
That the sound of a baby crying
Is the most beautiful sound in the world
But I don’t agree
Sleepless nights
And endless headaches
Will surely be the death of me
I’m losing control
Think I’m going out of my head
And though I love her
Sometimes I just wish
That she’d been born dead
I just can’t stand it
I’m almost at my end
It’s turning me away from you
It’s driving this boy round the bend
Oh God will you shut up crying
Just ten minutes peace
You’re just so trying
Why didn’t you go ahead
With the abortion
No, I’m sorry
I take it back
These sleepless nights
Just cause this distortion
I’m getting screwed up
Our love is getting chewed up
And if I’d known then
What I know now
I would have taken precautions

She may be beautiful
And she may have your smile
And your eyes
But I hate her

Silver Despair

Something so cold and cruel
So damp and damning
To a vulgar extreme
Now harbours all my dreams
A bedsit, once was
Now home to a boy
With accent bluntly northern
And face slightly weatherbeaten

I watch every morning
From my glass tower eye sore
During 'bored' meetings
Though glimpses strictly fleeting
As he removes his splintered window
Straining sinew, tight tanned torso
Ears pierced, nose stud, tattoos a go-go

My mind drifts
To the fringes of the city
Where excited trepidation
Preceeds my bout of degradation

The phone re-affirms my misery
Despair at a silver anniversary
'Sir, your wife is on line three'