Live A Lie Or Break Your Heart incomplete

I know I must do it
But it makes me feel sick
To the pit of my stomach
You are such a beautiful person
I wish I never had to hurt you
And you were the one hurting me
But I know I'm gonna break your heart
To be true to you
And true to myself
I hate myself for doing this to you
Between a rock and a hard place
Seems like penthouse luxury at the moment

I'm not asking for your sympathy
And I don't expect you
To understand
Or even wish me anything but harm
I would have done anything else
To spare you this pain
This emotional destruction
You deserve better
And I know I could have given it to you
But only superficially
And you deserve better than that also
But I know I'm gonna break your heart
To be true to you
And true to myself
I wish that you would hate me
But I know I'll always love you
Even though
I may be about to destroy you................

Untitled couplet................

Crushed by this claustrophobic insecurity
All too painfully aware of my shocking mediocrity................